Chunky & Plumpy Calves, to have or to have not… A Non Surgerical Way To Re-Sculpt Calves, Part 1…

Chunky & Plumpy Calves, to have or to have not… A Non Surgerical Way To Re-Sculpt Calves, Part 1…

If you like your calves Chunky & Plumpy, then maybe this isn’t the post for you. However, if Chubby, Chunky, Fat, Muscular, Strong, Sausage Calves is what you’ve got & you pretend that you don’t want or need to wear knee high boots, read how this Well Heeled Guru, care of a yoga practice, is able to wear boots, when all hope had gone.

Put yourself in my shoes, literally. My job, as a shoe designer who shopped several times a year, travelling to cities all over that are Mecca’s for shoe & fashion designs, for all intents purposes was awesome and well paid. I created my own schedule and travel budget and got to be uber creative. Yet, every Fall, when the high of arriving in one of my favourite capitals in the world was uploading into my system, as soon as we entered the first gorgeous shoe store, it was inevitable that I would come crashing down to a sorry-for-myself low.

Why? Cos, we, my cute, same sized 5.5 petite footed and trim calved friend and partner in shoe shopping crime, Dacia Woodley and I, with my fat sausage calves, would line up our work & personal selections, and here is where my heart ache began. Undoubtedly during the fall season, there would be an array of boots of all heel & shaft heights. My selection would be heavier on the mid-calf or short bootie styles (pun intended) with maybe, one knee high shaft boot with the widest opening + stretch + zipper + every adjustment feature possible. It wasn’t the most gorgeous boot in the store, but it was the most likely to fit. It didn’t matter how much stock I invested into my mathematical, illogical & logical thinking, it never worked out. As much as I adored my lil’ shopping colleague, whenever she zipped up or pulled on a mutually desired boot with ease, I have to admit, my “They look fantastic” was laced with envy & more envy & self-loathing.

So how did I cope seeing my sausage calves bulging over tops of boot shafts, whilst my shopping buddy, slid her credit card with the same ease, as she tried on boots? Well I used to do stuff like this…

Unfortunately no photoes of my calf, as I was too embarrassed... thank you random proud radish calf owner...

  • Declare how WE found these great boots and then in the same breath find something to criticize… e.g. The boots look great and if it wasn’t for me, she would have never have worn them with that skirt.
  • Pretend to be OK in the skin I’m in 90% of the time.
  • Try boots on hiding from store assistants or view. Pretend to be OK in the skin I’m in…
  • Be OK with the shorter bootie. They would always cheaper and they always made a statement. And be OK in the skin I’m in for 10% of the time…
  • Stretch calves, the mindless way, at every given step or moment, #Fail.
  • Have Sample Factory Room make custom boots for me, #Fail. When the pattern makers started laughing at the size of the paper pattern required to make me a pair of custom boot, I chose not to follow through.
  • Plot when I sold my first container of Plank Yoga Mats, to schedule a calf shaving surgery that is only successfully performed in Korea, for what is endearingly termed Radish Calf. (Folks although I would love for you to buy more mats, I am letting you know early on, surgery was not required, but don’t let that stop you from making a purchase, too)
  • Give up on my dream, as a shoe designer, of ever wearing a knee high boot.

The list could go on, however taking you to my lowest, chunkiest calf point misery, is not my goal. Sharing with you that with a regular yoga practice, what they do say about yoga transforming the body, mind & soul, is indeed true, although I didn’t believe it then. I had all but given up on the quest for the Boot Shaft that doth Fit, however, in the Fall of 2008, at the ripe old age of 41, after wondering for several months if my calves looked slimmer, I thought maybe it was time to revisit…

My belief system & wardrobe turned upside down, when I was able to find the Boot that Fits...

My ah-ha moment happened thanks to this Frye Engineer boot, in grey/black ombre patent leather. I was fully prepared to open up the shaft adjustments and all. I hesitantly lowered my foot into the shaft and to my cautious surprise, my foot dropped all the way to the insole. Just like one of the contestants in the Biggest Losers, who drops 10+lbs or more, my inner ego went crazy, trumpets and songs of Hallelujah were booming. This moment turned my wardrobe world & my belief system in what is possible, upside down.

Sometimes when I share this story, I hear women tell me how they struggle finding boots that fit, since their calves are too skinny and my head wants to scream STFU… i.e. Shut The F- Up. Having learnt that most people, including myself, don’t really listen and only want to talk about their agenda, I get it. However, skinny calf bitch, this really is not about you, this is about my many years of lack of confidence and the impact it had and no longer, has on my life. More importantly, the reason why I want to share this is insight, is a) is so other women who have similar calf concerns and since my goal is to get more peeps to the mat, this information could potentially make a difference and b) in my Iyengar Class yesterday, we did a series of calf stretches, which was great for the bio-mechanical benefits for pose work. However for me, the mental benefits of finally having calves that are bootable wins hands (or rather feet down) and I can’t wait to share them with you…

I do not have the skinniest calves in the world, however I am able to wear knee high boots and that’s what matters. I know without a doubt, that this is the result of my regular yoga practice. For those who aren’t OK with their chunky mofo plumpy calves, (you know I say this with love, as I know a lot about what you are feeling), I will share with you the hows and whys in my next blog. For those of you who are OK with the skin you’re in, thanks for reading this all the way to the end.

WHG, an expert in all things, shoes + heels + fitting yoga into a busy lifestyle…


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